Looking Back
by Blue Twilight
Summary: At a friend's wedding, Scully is forced to consider the choices that have led her to this junction in her life. MSR.


A/N: This is technically set after my first XF story, "Breathe", and it would be great if you read that one first! But if you are more a fan of one-shots, all you need to know is that M&S are having a romantic relationship on the down-low at this point.

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**Looking Back**

_"If there is anyone present who knows any reason why this couple should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."_

Scully sighed. She knew that no one would object. How could anyone be opposed to the marriage of a couple who were obviously perfect for each other? It took just one look at the brilliant smiles that adorned the faces of the pair to see that.

_"As no one has spoken, we will continue with the ceremony. Linda, John, by God's divine will…" John Vascow and the soon to be Mrs. Vascow gazed adoringly into each other's eyes. _

As she looked back to the happy couple on the altar, she was suddenly hit with a vivid memory from her childhood.

_She and Melissa were giggling as they lay on the grass and looked up happily at the blue summer sky. "I can't believe that Charlie has a girlfriend!" squealed Melissa. "He's… well, he's Charlie!"_

_Dana laughed again, then paused and became thoughtful. "Missy? Do you think that Charlie is going to marry Helen?"_

_"I don't know. I wouldn't think so, though. Who would want to marry Charlie?"_

_"I don't know. Doesn't everybody just get married when they grow up?"_

_"Not everybody, Dana. Some aren't that lucky. But, you trust me on this one, you have nothing to worry about. I can see it already: you'll walk down the aisle of a beautiful church with this stunning white gown and roses in you hair! They'll be flowers everywhere, and loads of cheering people, and a whole choir singing for you. And, of course, we can't forget the groom."_

_Dana giggled. "What type of groom will I have, Melissa?"_

_"Oh, I'm sure he'll be a dashing rouge who is completely in love with you! You'll marry him and the two of you can run away together into the sunset and live happily ever after!"_

_"Wow. Are you sure?"_

_"Positive."_

_"I think you're right, Missy. I am going to get married and have everyone cheer and live happily ever after!"_

The words seemed to echo back to her through time. It seemed to mock her, in a way. She had been so young and innocent. How could she have ever imagined the life she led now? How could anyone have guessed that the logical, by-the-book Agent Scully would not only team up with "Spooky Mulder", dogged hunter of the paranormal, but fall completely in love with him?

It had all been doomed from the start, hadn't it? She and Mulder had been quietly involved for about a month now. The time that they spent together was like magic for both of them. She had finally found someone with whom she fit perfectly. That is not to say that they didn't have their disagreements, but in a way those only added to the texture and depth of their bond. In effect, they were perfectly suited for one another.

Despite this, their love had to remain clandestine. The sneaking around had bothered Scully. Even after all the changes in her perspective, she still harbored the dream of being happily married for the world to see.

_John cleared his throat and began his self-written vows. "Linda, I love you more than life itself . In good times and bad, through sickness and health, we have and will continue to stand by each other. And you and me is forever, Linda, no matter what. I want you to be the one that I'm with until the day I die."_

Scully glanced over at Mulder, expecting him to look bored to tears. To her surprise, he was paying complete attention and nearly seemed moved by the ceremony.

He felt her gaze on him and looked up at her. She raised an eyebrow and he smiled in return, knowing exactly what she was thinking. The long-held connection between them had only been enhanced by their taking their relationship to the next level.

He looked deep into her blue eyes and surreptitiously caressed her hands as John read his vows aloud. Scully smiled back until she caught Skinner watching them out of the corner of her eye and she was forced to drop her eyes and move away from him.

It struck her then that that was the most she could ever expect from her relationship with Mulder. The brief caresses in the office, the stolen kisses on the stairs, the nights that brought with them forbidden passion and whispers of an undying love that could never be proclaimed. All of that was great. Better than great, actually. It was amazing for her, the first time she'd been truly happy in what seemed to be eons. But, somehow, she couldn't help but yearn for more, especially at moments like this…

Scully sighed audibly. Mulder turned towards her again, looking concerned. "Scully?"

"Let's go."

He looked confused, but simply nodded and said, "Okay, if that's what you want."

They were standing in the way back of the lawn, so they were able to easily walk out through the tall, flower-covered arbor without being noticed. She watched Mulder as he pulled ahead of her and walked through, wondering if she was doing something stupid.

Suddenly, he swung her around the arbor. She found herself come crashing into his chest. She looked up into his eyes, her breath coming quickly due to more than surprise. The questioning and hesitation of moments before began to fade.

"Scully," he whispered, putting his mouth close to her ear. Just the sound of his voice was enough to make her heart beat faster. She had never reacted this way to anyone before. Even now, after four weeks of a thriving relationship, she felt it as strongly as ever. The slow realization dawned on her that she could never be happy with anyone else.

"You know," he continued. "Regardless of what we can and cannot do, what he said in there was what I think. What I feel." He pulled back and looked into her eyes earnestly.

The real meaning behind his words was clear to her. He was telling her now, through John, what he would never be able to declare to the world in real life.

From the other side of the arbor, the priest's voice drifted through.

_"You may kiss the bride."_

Without a word or a thought, their lips found each other's. The kiss was sweet and deep and lasted long after the cheering of the wedding guests had stopped.

They finally broke apart as the wedding march began to play. Mulder released her and they drew apart as they came back into the line of sight of the rest of the wedding guests. Mulder put his hands in his pockets and began walking away towards the car.

A loud giggle caused Scully to turn and pause to watch the newlyweds stop and kiss happily again in the middle of the aisle to the delight of the surrounding crowd.

_"I am going to get married and have everyone cheer and live happily ever after!"_

That had been everything she wanted. Everything that she had thought would make her happy. Was she really willing to give all that up for one man?

Feeling torn, she looked over at Mulder. Suddenly her decision was made. It had been made a long time ago in her heart, but now she was finally ready to accept it in her whole being.

Scully hurried forward to walk beside him. They walked together, an unspoken understanding between them.

She did not look back.

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Thanks for reading, and as always, I would really love it if you review and give me some feedback of any type, even just a quick little note letting me know if you liked it or not!


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